Keep those panties on fire!

There are so many people on the planet who take relationships with their partners for granted, and the cycle is all too familiar – they fall in love, they fall out of love, they cheat, they leave, they want their partner back, they gain their partner back, it doesn’t work, they leave.

What an incredible and fortunate journey I have been a part of. Together, me and my gorgeous man have been inseparable for twelve years and enjoying wedded bliss for eight. But that’s not to say that we haven’t had our fair share of problems – far from it. Without arguments and disagreements, relationships would be boring and pointless; if you have everything and anything in common, well that’s just bland, so there needs to be a balance of likes and dislikes, similar interests and unfamiliar territory.

Anyone who’s been in a long term, committed relationship comes to the realisation and understanding that sometimes things just start to…fizzle, and the worst thing that one, or both partners can do is turn the key to start the engine and travel on the road to stubbornness. After speaking to a number of other long term couples in my circle of acquaintances, it has been refreshing to see that at some point in the relationship, there’s been a major hurdle to overcome that has taken between one month to a year (or more) for the white flag to be raised and a resolution achieved.

For the partnership that has overcome the challenge and is still going strong, each couple will provide their own opinion on the key to being a long termer – whether it’s open communication, honesty, romance, quality time…the list goes on. Now, I may be young, but I’ve got a twelve year relationship under my belt which has within it a committed marriage and a happy home – and I want to share my discoveries on how to keep your panties (or jocks) on fire.

1. A smile can solve almost anything! After a long day at work, regardless if it’s mentally draining or physically demanding, I want to come home to a smiling man at the door. No matter the challenges I faced throughout the day in the workplace, the one thing that makes the world disappear is that grin from ear to ear which says a thousand words. It’s got to work both ways though and I’ve discovered that even if you don’t feel like smiling when coming home, faking it will soon turn into the real deal.

In other circumstances, putting a smile on in the middle of an argument and cracking a joke at yourself can turn the whole discussion on its backside; nothing ever gets resolved with tempers flaring and hurtful words. Be warned though – there’s a difference between a genuine smile and a smirk. Don’t dare get the two confused…the smile thing may not work in your favour if you get it wrong.

2. Holding hands like you did at the beginning! Remember the first time your lover held your hand? I do…in fact, holding hands has more meaning for me than anything else. I was proposed to on the very bridge we first held hands, and when I close my eyes to remember that very first experience of skin on skin in public, I’m taken back to feelings of butterflies in my belly and grinning until my cheeks ached.

Why do couples stop holding hands when they get comfortable with each other? I’ve tried to take thought in this, and really…I have no excuse for not taking my partner’s hand in public. It’s just a forgetfulness because you’re too busy picking which pasta brand is better at the grocery store or chasing after the children because they’ve hit their “terrible twos” stage. Holding hands rejuvenates the youth in your spirit; highly, highly, highly recommended.

3. Call it what you want, but I call it “nit nit wiggy wiggy”! I don’t care what you think, intimacy is crucial to connecting spiritually, physically, and emotionally. If you think your relationship will last without nit nit wiggy wiggy, not only are you depriving yourself of romance and tension release (oh, and fun! We simply cannot forget fun!), but your partner will feel unattractive, unloved, and disliked.

These days, there are so many resources in the world that you can find all sorts of things to make things kinky and spice up the bedroom antics, including boardgames and books (let’s forget e-books for now – the real paperback copies are the best kind!). Rediscovering your relationship intimately will see you and your partner rekindle that flame which has dwindled in the wind and fallen short of a wax candle, so even making up your own game or playing out your partner’s fantasy has instant effect. Make the effort, and think about your partner.

These are my top three in keeping those panties (and jocks) on fire. Sure, there are a number of other actions you can take, but in the end, it comes down to what you try and what works in the end. My man and I are going through many life changes at the moment, but they’re challenges and obstacles that will be overcome – and overcome with the strength of our passion, love, and care for one another.

So…Katefucious says…smile, grab, and get jiggy wit’ it!


  1. Mmmm. The Horizontal Tango!

  2. I’ve been married to the same woman for almost forty years and I believe you’re on the right track. Honesty with your partner is mandatory, so is keeping your pants on when you’re not together. Holding hands is the sexiest thing you can do with your clothes on.
    Best of luck and ENJOY!

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